Sutton’s census: the Jedi mind trick

A press release from the London Borough of Sutton appeared in my inbox today via a colleague. As many of you know, ‘census day’ takes place on 27 March when we’re all expected to be good citizens and provide the authorities with a snapshot of our lives.

Sutton has taken things one step further and attempted to evoke the unifying power of the Force in order to get those pesky forms filled in.

Teenagers took to the streets this week dressed as Jedi Knights and no doubt employed the odd ‘Jedi mind trick’ to get people to complete their census forms.

The council took its inspiration from the 2001 census when 400,000 people claimed Jedi was their religion - 0.8% of the population - resulting in it being the fourth largest 'faith' in the UK.

Local florist Anne Marie-Jones, 39, said: 'To be honest I’d never even heard of the census until I got accosted by Darth Vadar. I’m now going to have to check that I’ve received mine and make sure I fill it in.'

The Jedi impersonators are members of Sutton Council’s Young Advisors Network – a group of young people who meet with the council on a regular basis to feed back on youth issues.

One presumes the conversations went something like this…

Jedi: ‘You don’t need to see my identification.’ (wave of hand)

Citizen: ‘I don’t need to see your identification.’

Jedi: ‘Fill in you census form on Sunday.’

Citizen: ‘I will fill in my census form on Sunday.’

Jedi: ‘Separate your recyclables.’

Citizen: ‘ I will separate my recyclables’

Jedi: ‘You can move along.’

(With apologies to George Lucas)

Don’t give our nutty friends any slack

It’s light in the mornings before I head off to the office these days so Spring can’t be far off. The impending season change is also marked by the heightened activity from grey squirrels in my garden.

I might enjoy watching their acrobatics, but grey squirrels are pests. We all know that these are illegal aliens and have decimated population of native red squirrels. That’s only half the story, though. According to reports this week, grey squirrels are responsible for £20M worth of damage to homes in Britain.

Squirrels like to move into loft spaces and sheds over winter and can cause serious damage to properties. The Daily Telegraph reports how Glen and Laura Borner’s three-bedroom home in Hertfordshire burned down after squirrels chewed through electrical wiring in the loft.

These destructive tendencies are not confined to suburbia, either. The Forestry Commission says squirrels also cause more than £10M of damage to woodland trees each year.

So what’s to be done?

Given our preoccupation with sustainable food sources, and in the interests of moving away from the blatantly wasteful supermarket model of food shopping, I suggest trapping and eating squirrels. The meat is lean and, I can report from first-hand experience, rather tasty.

While we’re at it let’s control the numbers of that other menace, the pigeon. Smoked breast in a Caesar salad makes an agreeable appetizer or light lunch.